Who You Are

Clarity Scifiroots

Request: From crowie’s “cliché!fic” challenge on fic_on_demand (and the plea for some sort of “aliens made ‘em do it!” so this is the Dead Zone equivalent *g*)

Warnings: Mature content! Detailed sex scene =P and also an allusion to rape (not of our boys, no worries!)

Summary: Sometimes Johnny gets a little too caught up in his visions.

---

 

About an hour ago he’d received the call:

 

“Bruce, I need you to come down to the station and take Johnny home... Don’t panic, he’s just in one of his visions. I’d just rather he had someone stay with him for a bit, just in case.”

 

Bruce squeezed out all the information he could from Walt as he drove across town. He’d already been aware of a current string of missing persons cases that the police had linked together, Johnny had been called in earlier to try and help but hadn’t been able to connect any substantial leads; Bruce knew how much that had gotten to Johnny. Walt called on the psychic again with new evidence from the latest victim, and it sparked a vision from the victim’s point of few.

 

“He was still aware of himself until we got to the condo where the perp was laying low, then he started mumbling—the usual thing, you know? I just can’t seem to get him out of it, even when he was looking straight at the victim...”

 

Bruce had the sense that Walt was downplaying his worry. He found out for himself soon enough.

 

When he reached the station he saw Walt waiting for him; they stood outside while Walt detailed what information he could regarding the person who Johnny currently thought he was.

 

Before Walt let him pass, Walt cautioned, “We’re still getting the details but the perp... toyed with victims for about two weeks before someone new was taken.” Walt’s eyes slid away from Bruce’s searching gaze and he shifted uncomfortably. “From the preliminary check-ups and questions at the site... the perp would start raping his victims sometime in the second week. Ah... this last guy was gone about a week.” Bruce barely held back a shudder and he hugged himself tightly as he tried to wrap his mind around that.

 

“So...” he mumbled, “Johnny couldda...?”

 

Walt wasn’t even facing him anymore. “Yeah, maybe.”

 

Things seemed okay at first. The drive back to the Smith mansion was fairly quiet but Tom Brinkmen, as Johnny currently referred to himself, had questions and seemed to be comfortable enough with Bruce to finally voice some of his inquiries. Bruce answered as best he could although he felt slightly uncomfortable talking to a stranger in his friend’s body.

 

“Where are we?” Tom asked.

 

Bruce glanced at the man from the corner of his eye as he dealt with the security clearance at the gates. “This is Johnny Smith’s home, man.”

 

The notion hadn’t been sitting well with Tom. He stayed silent and cautiously watchful as Bruce drove up to the front entrance. Bruce glanced over again and stared in surprise as Tom nibbled on his lower lip. Bruce caught himself gaping and quickly turned away as he pulled to a stop; his mouth felt dry.

 

Tom didn’t get out of the car right away, so Bruce grabbed Johnny’s cane from the backseat and tried to gather his scattered thoughts while he waited. Slowly Tom opened the door and got out, glancing nervously at Bruce; he was still chewing on his lip. Bruce used his own key to get them inside, not having the patience to stand out in the summer heat while he convinced “Tom” that the house was his and it really was okay to use the key in his pocket.

 

Bruce had no idea how large Johnny’s eyes could before the moment Tom stepped into the front hall and gaped in amazement at the obvious wealth displayed in just the little things on display.

 

“Ho-ly shit! I can’t believe this!” He turned his wide blue eyes on Bruce. “People actually live in this place?”

 

Bruce fought off the tingling sensation that had started when those familiar-yet-unfamiliar eyes had turned on him. “Johnny lives here,” he muttered in mild irritation.

 

Tom pressed his lips together and looked away.

 

Sighing, Bruce gestured for the man to follow him, he figured a cup of coffee would be a good idea about now.

 

“Um, is there any tea...?” Tom asked quietly.

 

Surprised, Bruce nodded and went to the cupboard where his own stash of choice tea flavors were kept. It wasn’t that Johnny didn’t like tea, he just didn’t have a connoisseur’s taste buds in the area so he let Bruce keep him supplied.

 

Tom smiled brightly at the variety of options Bruce produced. “This is great,” he said.

 

Bruce put a kettle of water on the stove to boil and brought down two mugs. Tom stood up to put away the basket of tea options after Bruce snatched his choice.

 

After another few moments Bruce said, “So none of this is familiar...”

 

Tom shrugged uncomfortably. “No... I mean...” He glanced quickly at Bruce and just as quickly looked away. “Not this place, this house...” He was chewing on his lip again.

 

Damn, that’s distracting, Bruce thought as he felt his body begin to tingle again. Johnny had plenty of little habits that usually got to him, but these new characteristics from Tom were catching his attention in new ways. To distract himself he prompted, “What do you mean?

 

“Well, back at the station... that wasn’t familiar either, but, ah, the sheriff... he kinda was.” Tom met his gaze and held it for the first time. “I have a stronger sense of... I guess ‘déjà vu,’ with you.” There was something in that gaze that sent a shock through Bruce’s veins and threatened to steal his breath away.

 

Tom leaned over the counter towards Bruce as he continued, “They said I wasn’t me, but I don’t get that. I have all these memories...” His eyes were abruptly flooded with horror and it took him a few moments to reign it back in; Bruce felt a spike of ice-cold fear stab him. “I might seem to recognize some people I shouldn’t... But I’m just...” He shook his head in frustration. “My name’s Tom Brinkmen!” He slapped his hands on the countertop and froze like that. Bruce was confused for all of a moment before he recognized the signs of a vision.

 

Oh shit, this can’t be good...

 

“Tom...? John? Man, come on out of it!” He turned the burner off on the stove as he rounded the counter to reach his friend.

 

Tom—or had Johnny returned, now?—shook his head as if to clear it and turned sharply to stall Bruce from touching him. His eyes were calming, though, and Bruce let out a sigh of relief.

 

“You okay?” Bruce carefully raised his hand and this time he was allowed to brush the man’s shoulder.

 

“My God...” he was still shaking his head. “Bruce, I’m not sure... Jesus. I haven’t had something like this happen before...”

 

Even more relieved to hear his friend back to normal, Bruce couldn’t resist the urge to hug Johnny close. “You scared me, man! Walt, too, probably.” He was surprised and quietly pleased when he felt Johnny’s hands rest against his back. “That guy still rattlin’ in your head?”

 

Johnny had pressed his face against Bruce’s neck and each breath he exhaled sent shocks of pleasure skittering through Bruce’s body.

 

“Yeah... he’s—his memories, they’re in shadows, almost. I don’t know how else to describe it.”

 

Bruce hugged him closer and closed his eyes. “I’m sure it’ll clear up soon, man. Let’s go sit down for now, okay?”

 

They pulled apart and Johnny smiled wanly. “That sounds like a good idea.”

 

Bruce kept his hands on Johnny’s arm and back in case he needed some support, and even though he didn’t, he made no move to shake Bruce off. They made it to the living room and sat together on the couch.

 

“Are you cold?” Bruce asked when he noticed the other man shaking slightly.

 

Johnny cracked a small grin. “No... I think I’m still a little... shocked.” He leaned back and rolled his head towards Bruce. “Thanks for being here, Bruce,” he said softly.

 

Bruce smiled in bemusement. “Wouldn’t be anywhere else, man.”

 

Nodding, Johnny seemed to be looking for something. Bruce wondered nervously if the stress of the day had worn down some of his usual defenses that he put up to keep his deeper feelings for the man in front of him hidden.

 

“Something on my face?” he tried to joke.

 

He received a tolerant smile from his friend and nothing more for a time. Then in a moment that seemed both slow and abrupt at the same time, Johnny’s face neared his and Bruce realized that they were kissing. Startled but happy, Bruce tentatively applied more pressure. When Johnny raised a hand to caress his cheek, Bruce decided it was okay to place his hand on Johnny’s nape and pull him closer.

 

The lips that Tom’s actions had been attracting him to were moving beneath his, devouring him and stirring an onslaught of desire that had already been building. Bruce shifted until his knees were under him and then carefully moved, slowly so that Johnny would have time to stop him, so that he was kneeling over the blonde’s lap. He groaned hungrily when he felt a firm grip tighten on his ass before those hands moved down and caressed his thighs.

 

They had to break apart for a few moments to gasp for oxygen, but Bruce’s body moved on automatic, reacting immediately to the teasing strokes Johnny occasionally gave to his inner thighs. Bruce mouthed the blonde’s hair, forehead, and the tips of his ears as he rose and fell with the movements of Johnny’s hands.

 

With one hand Bruce managed to undo the top few buttons on Johnny’s shirt and sneak his hand onto bare skin; the quiet whimper he received for that movement made him press forward, seeking friction for his aching cock.

 

“Out of these... John, please...” he gasped as he tugged at the shirt. Johnny’s hands slipped away from Bruce’s thighs and moved to undo buttons. Bruce took the opportunity to strip his T-shirt over his head and undo the fastenings of his jeans.

 

“Let me...” Johnny’s breath was hot and moist against his stomach and his touch was amazingly bold.

 

Before Bruce could fully comprehend what was happening, Johnny had tugged down both boxers and jeans to uncover Bruce’s fully erect cock. In another bold move that he wouldn’t have guessed from Johnny, he felt heat engulf the head of his penis and the hot caress of a mobile tongue.

 

Bruce was speechless and he cried out softly as Johnny increased the suction. He threaded his fingers into blond hair and desperately jerked into the heat that was welcoming him. He had enough semblance of control to resist from simply pounding into Johnny’s mouth. With what little coherency he had, he wondered why Johnny didn’t seem to have any difficulty doing something that, Bruce assumed, was rather new—not that he was complaining.

 

“J-John... please, man...” Bruce gasped, making himself press Johnny back a little. “Not yet... please...” He moaned as the other man slowly drew back, darting his tongue out for one last teasing stab before he withdrew completely. Bruce shuddered as he tried to get a hold of himself. Johnny smirked knowingly up at him. “Jeez...” he muttered.

 

Bruce swooped down to capture Johnny’s mouth again and took the opportunity to delve his tongue into the cavern that had just tortured him for what felt like an eternity. When he drew back he stood up to shuck the rest of his clothing. Johnny’s gaze on him seemed to burn him to the core. He caught Johnny’s hand before it reached his skin and he shook his head, smiling.

 

“Your turn...”

 

He took his time moving his nibbling, moist caresses down Johnny’s pale torso, enjoying every little hitch in the other’s breathing and delighting in every soft moan. He moved to kneel on the floor as he got lower and started caressing Johnny’s inner thighs slowly. By the time he’d reached the line of blond hair disappearing behind fastened pants, Johnny was panting and lifting his hips in a silent plea.

 

Thrilled to have made it this far, Bruce quickly undid the khakis and slid both pants and underwear to Johnny’s knees. The pleasure-hooded eyes gazing down at him were driving him crazy, and Bruce decided it was time for a little payback. He gripped Johnny’s hips in a firm grasp and then abruptly took as much of the cock before him into his mouth. Johnny almost broke free from his hold as he jerked forward at the new sensation. He was mumbling something under his breath but Bruce couldn’t understand it clearly and didn’t think it mattered very much anyway. He drew back until he only had the tip of Johnny’s cock in his mouth and then went down again, slowly easing more of the erection into his throat; it had been a long time since he’d done this.

 

Johnny squeezed his shoulders tightly and managed to say, “Kiss me... I want to see you when we—“

 

Bruce cut him off with the desired kiss. Johnny’s arms were around him instantly, his hands running over every inch of Bruce’s skin. By unspoken agreement they adjusted themselves so that they lay full length on the couch. Johnny’s pants were still tangled around one ankle but neither man seemed to notice. They were pressed closely together to achieve the best friction to stimulate the delicious burning in their groans.

 

Johnny bit Bruce’s earlobe lightly and then licked his way down his lover’s neck. Bruce gave as good as he got and used one hand to play with sensitive nipples.

 

“Ah—Bruce!” Johnny’s hips pressed up more firmly and Bruce matched him as his orgasm peaked. Bruce shouted as he came, letting the waves of pleasure carry him through the intense moment.

 

It took a number of minutes for them to catch their breath. Bruce lay over Johnny with most of his limbs hanging loosely over the side of the couch. He smiled into Johnny’s neck and planted soft kisses there until he could speak.

 

“Mmm, John... That was—“ He’d lifted his head to get another glimpse at those much-beloved eyes when he noticed that Johnny was nibbling on his lower lip, a look of bliss on his face. At Bruce’s sudden stop, his eyes opened and blinked curiously. A healthy dose of fear caused Bruce to raise onto his hands and knees as he stared helplessly at the man he’d just made love to. “You’re not...” He couldn’t say anything for a few moments. “Tom...?” he whispered.

 

He knew it was true when guilt quickly spread over the man’s flushed expression.

 

“Oh God... oh God!” Bruce fell ungracefully to the floor as he fought to get off the couch and the naked man who wasn’t who he had hoped—he’d thought... Oh my God, what have I done? He ignored the other man’s apologies and calls as he rushed on shaking legs to the downstairs bathroom, the closest room with a lock.

 

He leaned against the door until he felt the handle jiggle as Tom fought to get to him. Bruce leapt away as if scalded and backed away to the opposite wall.

 

“Please, man, open the door?” Johnny’s voice, Johnny’s eyes, Johnny’s body...

 

“Jesus...” Bruce uttered quietly. “But not him... I’m so sorry... God, John... so sorry...” He sat on the floor and hugged his knees to his chest that was still sticky from... He shut his eyes tightly as he shook with silent tears. What had he done?

 

“Bruce? Bruce, I’m really sorry—look! It’s not that bad!”

 

He lifted his head sharply at that and laughed bitterly. “Fuck off, Tom! Damn you!” He felt frustrated tears struggling to make themselves known.

 

“Listen, Bruce—“

 

“I said shut up!” Bruce yelled, clenching his hands into fists and again burying his face in his arms.

 

Tom seemed to get the none-too-subtle hint and stayed silent. After a few minutes Bruce heard retreating footsteps over his harsh breathing. Knowing that there was no one on the other side of the door seemed to open the floodgates and he found that he’d been feeling things through a veil of numbed shock until that point.

 

~ * ~

 

He thought he’d heard a quiet voice on the phone earlier and the thought was confirmed when he heard the telephone ring once before it was picked up. Only a few moments later he heard the phone being put back in place. The steady footsteps approaching seemed to vibrate in his skull.

 

A quiet knock and then, “Bruce?”

 

He kept his eyes closed, wishing that it could be as simple as waving his hand to erase what had happened—or change it so at least it had been Johnny...

 

“Bruce... Come on, man, open the door.” Johnny paused for a while, giving ample time for a verbal response or the door to open. “Bruce, we need to talk,” that quietly said statement left him trapped. In the very least Bruce should be available to discuss... maybe—hopefully—explain so that not everything was lost.

 

He stood slowly and tried to ignore the fact that he was naked and still had traces of semen on his chest even though he’d used a washcloth to clean up earlier. He unlocked the door at the same time that Johnny took a breath to speak again.

 

“Oh. Hey.”

 

Bruce couldn’t look him in the eye, so he stared at a non-distinct point past Johnny’s shoulder. “I need...” He shrugged a bare shoulder.

 

He thought he saw a smile as Johnny held up a robe. “I know.”

 

Bruce swallowed hard and stepped behind the door as his put the robe on and wrapped the belt tightly around his waist. He still felt bare so he crossed his arms over his chest. When he opened the door all the way he found Johnny standing a few steps from the door, leaning casually against the wall.

 

They were silent for quite a while and Bruce found that he couldn’t make himself glance higher than Johnny’s chin, too afraid to see what those eyes revealed about the other man’s emotions.

 

“Do you... remember?” Bruce asked awkwardly, meaning the prolonged vision but knowing that he really wanted to check and see what Johnny remembered of their actions in the living room.

 

“I got lost,” Johnny replied, amazingly sparing the recent events for a moment. “I haven’t had something like that happen before. Everything was just a blur until...” he paused and Bruce, heart pounding, finally glanced at his friend’s face. Johnny gave him a gentle smile. “In the kitchen. Everything suddenly cleared and I saw Tom standing in front of me looking confused. I think it was a little more than he could handle because he disappeared quickly, but things weren’t so confusing after that.”

 

Johnny looked purposefully relaxed, and Bruce acknowledged that it was because Johnny knew he would run or retreat again if they didn’t handle this carefully.

 

“John...” he whispered, his throat too dry to continue.

 

The other man shook his head slowly, his gaze never wavering. “I was there, Bruce. It wasn’t just Tom,” he said quietly. “My vision linked us, melded our memories and personalities somehow.” He took a hesitant step forward. Bruce didn’t move, but he did turn his head away. “Listen to me. Our thoughts were flowing into one another’s—he’d been so recently violated and... I’ve wanted to touch you... really touch you.”

 

Bruce lifted his gaze and found Johnny watching him.

 

“It just took a while for us to separate, but that was me.” Johnny insisted as he took the final step that brought him within range to reach out and gently grip Bruce’s arms. “Don’t tear yourself up over this.” He smiled and Bruce caught his breath when he recognized it as the same blissful one that had lighted on the blonde’s face as they lay in post-orgasmic haze.

 

“Jesus, John...” he said, his breath coming out in a shuddering sigh. “When I realized and thought... Oh God, I couldn’t think that it wasn’t you...”

 

“I know.” Johnny eased closer and Bruce opened his arms to return the embrace. Johnny kissed a trail along Bruce’s jaw and then captured his lips in a gentle kiss that was no less fierce than the fiery ones exchanged in the midst of heated passion. “I’m sorry you had to wait until I could get things cleared up. By the time I realized that I was pretty much back to normal I had a call to make...”

 

“Yeah, I heard that, what was it?” Bruce asked. He relaxed in the warm embrace, letting Johnny’s lips and touch brush away his remaining fears and guilt.

 

“It was Tom... the, uh, ‘real’ Tom,” Johnny said quietly. “I think there was a bit of us in each other’s minds and between that and what had just happened to him...” Bruce felt Johnny grimace and he tried to pull away. Johnny put a hand behind Bruce’s head and kept him where he was. “No, it’s okay—that was what the call was about. I told Walt he needed to talk to Tom and let him know that he wasn’t crazy—there was definitely someone else running loose in his head.” Bruce chuckled lightly.

 

“And things turned out okay?” he asked, hopeful.

 

Johnny nodded. “Yeah. Walt thinks the guy might stick around the hospital a little longer voluntarily just in case... but he sounded pretty upbeat. Besides...”

 

Bruce both heard and felt the grin. Smiling as well, Bruce leaned back a little to look Johnny in the eye. “Besides which, you’re a psychic and something good’s coming his way?”

 

“Hey, not quite as good as what I got,” Johnny said as he slid a hand down Bruce’s back, “but the guy’s pretty hot, just the same.”

 

Bruce’s eyes widened and he laughed. Johnny smiled silently and Bruce saw the relief and joy shining his lover’s gaze.

 

~ * Fin * ~

 

So since this was a cliché!challenge it’s a good thing that I kept thinking “argh! But that’s so cliché!” right?

 

*cough* Well, let us count the clichés!

 

Edited July 8, 2005